Many of us have challenges with forming healthy attachments in relationships. These challenges, sometimes referred to as attachment issues or wounds, are rooted in the relationships we formed with our caregivers in early childhood. The good news is that attachment issues can be healed with a combination of self-work, mindfulness, and focused effort in relationship.
Children who have severe attachment disorders need help from a mental health professional. Typically, these children are in foster care and may have experienced significant trauma as infants or young children, such as abuse or neglect by their parents, guardians, or other caregivers. Often, one or more of these traumas was so profound that it changed the way the child perceives their own relationships and how they form attachments with other people.
A primary cause of attachment what attachment issues are problems is insufficient or inconsistent early caregiving. This can include physical abuse, emotional neglect, or a lack of emotional connection with a parent or other caregiver. One or two incidents of poor attachment behaviors may not have much of an impact on a child, but when a child experiences these kinds of interactions consistently, it can alter their perceptions and attitudes about their own relationships and lead to the development of an attachment disorder.
There are three types of attachment disorders: anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment. Each has its own unique symptoms and causes, but they all share the core theme of an inability to establish trust or secure bonds with others. For example, a person with anxious attachment may struggle to form intimate relationships and feels a persistent fear that other people will leave them. They may also be highly reactive to distressing emotions, such as anger or sadness.
Parents or other caregivers of children with attachment problems can make a difference in their lives by providing consistent and responsive caregiving. This can include helping the child to identify their emotions and learn healthy ways to express them. It is also important to listen and engage with them as they communicate, because this shows that they are safe and can trust that you will respond to their feelings.
Discipline should always be done when the child is calm and not in an emotionally-charged state. When children are in an emotionally charged state, they can’t think clearly and are more likely to react negatively or act out. Discipline that occurs during this time is likely to be ineffective and could actually reinforce their insecurity or the belief that people will abandon them.
Healing attachment issues takes time and patience. A combination of mindful awareness, support from a trained psychotherapist, and focused parenting efforts can make a positive change in an individual’s ability to create secure attachments in their relationships. With proper treatment, a child with attachment issues can live in healthier homes and have healthy social relationships as adults. This is the goal of all child and adolescent mental health treatment.